Big changes

Life as I know it is about to change.

Back in July, my mother fell, broke a rib that punctured her lung and went into the ICU for several days. After she left the hospital, Craig and my sister stayed with her for another several weeks. Dusty tried to stay full time with her (at the time, she'd lost her job, and was contemplating losing her apartment) but it was not a good arrangement. Too many ghosts of past arguments and misperceptions made it a negative atmosphere for both. My sister couldn't look for a job and my mother wasn't getting better.

Her heart is weak but serviceable; it is her spirit that is weakening.

We brought in home health aides as a stop-gap, but at $16-$18 per hour, they are expensive, and in my mother's mind, intrusive. She continues to lose weight, down to a tiny 105 pounds.

So I gave notice and quit my job. As of Sunday, Aug. 26, I am moving in with her until we can get back into our Walnut Creek home in March, and then (I hope) we will move her up with us.


Will I miss my job at TimesLedger? A little yes and lot no. There are several people I've grown fond of, but I will not miss the 40-50 hour weeks, the increasingly lack of quality brought on by the newspaper's sale to the New York Post, and I would have quit in December any way in preparation for the move back.

What I do regret is that I was just starting to "get" New York. I was starting to know where interesting haunts were, places were starting to feel familiar, and even the weather was becoming tolerable. I'd planned to spend the month of January in my own version of a farewell tour of things I hadn't done before, but life is what happens when you're making plans.

I know that being a caregiver is both fulfilling and soul draining. I hope to make some kind of balance between her needs and my own. I will be doing some freelancing for the TimesLedger and perhaps take an online class.

I don't know if this will be my last newspaper job ever. The way the industry is going and with the disadvantage of my age -- I'm dinosaur by HR standards -- it could very well be. If so, I left them sorry to see me go and with a body of work I'm not ashamed to have my name on, and some I'm really proud of.

In this business, it's often the best you can hope for.